Adventure runs as they are being euphemistically called in the press are becoming big business. Total Warrior, Spartan Race, The GRIM series and Total Ninja Wipe Out Extreme (I think I’ve made the last one up) are examples that spring to mind. Each and everyone promise to be possibly the toughest race in the world.
Into my life wandered a race new to this country courtesy of a couple of friends of mine. They insisted that this would be a great way to round off the season in style and that any event calling itself Tough Mudder would be a “good laugh”.
Sounds like a plan I thought so I got signed up for the North West races held over the weekend of 17th/18th November. Only after signing up in a fit of excitement did I do some further reading and thinking about the event.
Tough Mudder styles itself as probably the toughest race on the planet. It’s circa 13 miles of running and obstacles designed by ex UK Special Forces. I took this with the usual pinch of salt and trained and raced through the spring/summer as normal whilst keeping an eye on the Tough Mudder twitter feed.
What became apparent fairly early on was that this was actually going to be tough given the photos, videos and blogs from the other TM events worldwide. I can run 13 miles no bother but in the cold and wet of November in Cheshire. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....
What started out as a team of us going down to do the event got whittled down to me and my brother from another mudder Tony Baines. Tony is exactly the type of person you want in this kind of race. Small of stature, but big in heart, he climbs like a rat up a drain pipe and can run all day. Also he volunteered to drive us there and back which became crucial on the return leg but more of that later.
Race Day
We arrived fresh faced and eager for the challenge as the photos below show. Having handed in our paperwork including a Death Waiver (yes really) we were slightly unnerved to find that they have to write your number on your face as well as your leg. The army cadet who did mine cheerfully told me it was so they could notify the next of kin should we die on the course. Again, mmmmmmmmmmm.
Because TM is an American event at heart there is a lot of Hoo-Raaring at the start led by an MC who has everyone reciting the Tough Mudder pledge. Then with a series of high-fives, cuddles and kiss for the Tough Mudder standing next to you (sorry Tony) it’s off we go.
In between the feature obstacles were long runs mostly in deep leg sapping mud which also frequently dumped you into dark, murky water just to make sure you stayed as wet and miserable as possible.
My favourites
Arctic Enema
Take a large industrial skip. Fill it full of ice. Make your participants jump into the skip and wade across. So far, so cold. However being Tough Mudder they slung a large piece of wood across the centre of the skip topped with barbed wire. This forced you to take a deep breath and submerge totally to pass underneath and wade through to the opposite side and clamber out.
Rather bracing – not that much different from taking a dip in the North Sea to be honest. Possibly warmer in fact.
Climb a 15 – 20ft scaffold, take a deep breath and jump off into the dirtiest, filthiest water it has been my pleasure to ever take a mouthful of. Swim to other side. Carry on.
Trench Warfare
Mud glorious mud. On your belly and deep in the muck.
Underwater Tunnels
Traversing a freezing cold river roughly chest/neck deep felt cold enough. Then, a series of barrels forcing you once again to submerge and swim under. This one was so cold it properly took your breath away. It was a pleasure to get out and start running again even if it was just a temporary respite.
This is the final obstacle of Tough Mudder and by this point you are well and truly knackered, cold, generally minging and hoping to get through unscathed. The obstacle itself is a run through live electrical wires carrying various voltages up to 10 000 volts. They also hose you down with water just to make sure of good electrical connectivity.
Never one for being shy I decided my tactic would be head down and sprint. This worked well until about three quarters of the way through when I took a 10 000v wire just below my right eye. It knocked me straight out and I hit the ground face first. I came round, opened my eyes thought “How the hell did I get here?” and tried to stand up. Bad idea, as I hit the same wire again which put me straight back down face first again.
Next time I came round I retained enough awareness to crawl forward before trying to get up again. One or two minor shocks later I linked back up with Tony who was crying with laughter at my face plant and we finally ran over the finish.
Post Race
After crossing the finish I was more than a little deranged, mildy hypothermic and definitely concussed. I grabbed my celebratory beer, TM headband, t-shirt and as many energy drinks as I could.
A cold shower (no hot water here as it is Tough Mudder) to remove some of the excess muck, we threw on our change of clothes and headed back north.
It is at this point that Tony earned his legendary status as my Tough Mudder wingman. I was completely and utterly out of it from the electric shock, the cold and the bangs to the head. Tony put up with me having to stop at service stations to be sick, watched me harass staff in numerous outlets for carrier bags to be sick into whilst in his car and listened to my insane rambling as I kind of drifted in and out of consciousness.
All of this whilst looking like a deranged hobo in an orange headband which I refused to remove.
On the Sunday some of my souvenirs were more apparent. Oh how we laughed later that week when I attended meetings looking like I’d been fighting in South Shields town centre.
Rather like my first marathon if you’d asked me on the day the answer was a resounding no. Truth be told - Tough Mudder was one of the greatest events I’ve ever done.
Yes it is actually really tough, but the madness of the whole thing coupled with the camaraderie of everyone around you makes it really special.
Entries for this year’s Tough Mudder events are now open with Yorkshire being the closest. You should do one. Honestly. It’s a great day out with your mates. You can see the official video here. At least I was saved the shame of my face plant making it onto Youtube.